So, I’m sitting here, on a deck, outdoors in Estes Park Colorado watching a very typical mountain storm roll in over the Front Range of Rocky Mountain National Park.  I grew up with this view, so it’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that while I’m here I have to work.  Yes, while the view in the picture looks serene, it is a facade that hides chaos.  I’m a bit of a control freak when it comes to my shoots, and not having control over all aspects drives my completely crazy.  I mean, nail chewing eyebrow pulling crazy… the kind of crazy that normally gets medicated.  The shoots I have coming up are split about 50/50.  I have some control, but not enough.  While I sit here thinking about it, it’s maddening.  Its the kind of madness that tells me “Hey, drive to the client right now and have them get everything sorted out for you”… It’s 5:30.  I’m in the mountains.  It’ll take me two hours.  But I just might…. or might not, I don’t know yet.  So I sit here on a deck.  Staring at the mountains in the near distance watching a light rain fall on them, and I find myself overwhelmed with calm.  I remember that I’m not saving lives.  The cool mountain air and the smell of pine sooth my madness.  One of my most cherished adolescent memories was sitting on a large granite outcrop on the Camp Cheley grounds staring at the stars one clear night and listening to the wind whip through the trees.  I could see the mountains black against the sky in the distance and I realized at that point that I’m just a very, very small part of a very, very, very big universe.  Nothing really matters when you’re this small.  It’s that feeling that saves me. 

I drove to Estes Park from Los Angeles in a day.  16 hours on the road.  There were point  where I was so close I could taste it.  I was grinding my teeth and shouting at the empty road.  In a way, this trip was an anniversary for me so it was important to do it in one, ridiculous 1000 mile marathon.  10 years ago I let everything go and moved to LA for what I thought was love.  I told myself I would make it, I didn’t know what I would make it at, but I knew I would make it.  And I have.  I made it both professionally and personally in LA and I love being there in my life. I’ve grown a lot both professionally and personally over the past 10 years and I have a couple specific people to thank for that who’ll remain anonymous.  The time I’ve spent in L.A. has been invaluable to me, but it would have been time wasted if it weren’t for some basic foundations that were laid here in Estes Park Colorado.